So, for a long time I’ve wanted to start a conversation about sex! Too often, women (they tell me) are a little underwhelmed and misunderstood.. but don’t quite know how to sort it out!
Its easy to say ‘oh, just talk to your partner/ show your partner what you want / watch porn together’ but you know that doesn’t cover the minutiae of considerations and potential difficulties that flashes through our minds!
Intense embarrassment, the fear of him/her thinking your being too demanding, rude or plain ‘unladylike’ and bruising the male (or female!) ego – these things are real!
Even today, in 2020, we HAVE sex but don’t TALK about sex.
So, what to do? Well, as a woman of 50 who has (ahem) earned her stripes in the department of sex, I think THIS much; we can get whatever we want and however we need it.
I TRULY believe this! .. we have to OWN our own, so to speak…we have to be brave enough to take a tiny step….and where does that step begin?
Here are a few things collected from my own and other’s bank of experience;
– Orgasm is NOT the goal, but pleasure and pleasure seeking/ gifting IS! – Touch, lick, stroke, kneed, squeeze, fondle, tickle and caress each other’s bodies ; TALK about it or, if the words don’t come (pardon the pun!), look into their eyes and nod, moan , take their hand or their mouth to that place, close your eyes and use your body to show the rhythm of what you want. Can you take your time with it, build up the pleasure?
– FEEL sexy… know that in THIS moment, you ARE sexual. Ask yourself, would THEY be here, naked, doing this with YOU if they didn’t want to do it?.
Don’t always consider LOVE at this moment, sex is about desire in your mind and physical sensations in your body…love may or may not be there, but in THIS moment its OK to let lust lead you – trust me, that helps
– TAKE some CONTROL – men like this! Im sure women do too – if your partner shows some control and initiates something, does it show your partner that YOU desire THEM? Ignite their lust?
Im not talking whips and chains here, Im talking a hand on theirs, moving it to where you want it, 5 words of command, spoken in a soft but firm voice, STOPPING them and making them WAIT for what they want. Think about it, If they took some control like that with you, would YOU be turned on?
– CHOOSE an asset you love about yourself and USE your asset to its max potential. My hair happens to swing over my eyes in certain positions – I caught sight of it once – and took myself by surprise – even I saw that it was sexy! If your partner has told you that a part of you, a move or a look that you make turns them on, BELIEVE them and use it and develop it, like a story for your body to tell – What’s your best asset?
I’ve learnt that sex is as interesting and creative as you can be brave enough to explore, at any age. As long as you are consenting and it doesn’t cause fear or distress to you or anyone else, its OK to try things, it really is!
– for extra inspiration and confidence building in your own power of prowess, check out these links!
Elisa Caro, sex therapist and coach https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaP-WoITpxZ8w4ehSsIob1Q/videos
Book by Anne Hopper, great value https://www.amazon.co.uk/Great-Sex-Tips-Anne-Hooper/dp/0751341614
Advice to grow in sexual confidence https://www.abc.net.au/life/how-to-feel-sexually-confident/12109726
What are YOUR tips for communicating around sex – what works for you? Send me a message through our ‘advice and guidance’ – lets support each other!